matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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