I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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