you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
