I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
