if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
