I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
