at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
