Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
