This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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