Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
