i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
is that a dick in a sweater?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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