Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
