so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
