If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
