i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My bed smells like the plague
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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