I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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