its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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