We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
