At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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