i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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