Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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