My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
