How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
