I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
