let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
