I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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