At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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