We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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