I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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