And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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