Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
