Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
