i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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