Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
