he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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