This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
