if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
