Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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