If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
