i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You can't special order awesome
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
