I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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