On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
