ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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