I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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