Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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