he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
