I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
