Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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