Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You've changed since you got that strap on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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