Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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