OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
