Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
