I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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