matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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