Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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