nut hugger
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
