i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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