i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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