They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
