okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
