I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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