Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
