i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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