hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
