So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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