Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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