I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
