Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
