Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think my moral compass just broke
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
