16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
