don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
soo... how was my night?
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