He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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