When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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