Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize