What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
