just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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